underage drinking causes snowboarding crash

***from the archives. You, circa 1999

Ladies and gentlemen, the highly-anticipated pt. II of Why Snowboarding is Dangerous | Hero Hour


Those kids are the other half of the family problem. Everyone knows that ski school is really just on-hill babysitting, but that hasn’t stopped some imported instructor from pumping kids full of the idea that two hours under their teaching has put them straight onto the heels of Shaun White.


When the fathers pick up their kids, each has the desire to show off burning inside them hotter than the fireplace back at the cabin. The aftermath of all this results in Dads hanging over rails like wet laundry while his kid is stuck on a nearby takeoff, looking like a detached segment of a human centipede attempting to crawl to safety.


Then, there are the heroes who get hurt in the park no matter what their ability level may be. These are the supermen of snow who have found their kryptonite…the lodge bar. Drinking at the elevations where resorts reside tones down everyone’s tolerance. Combine this phenomenon with an entire day of watching girls leave the bar with guys that can actually shred and suddenly those jumps look a lot smaller from the view of the barstool. The coming catastrophe is aided by the fact that the only thing keeping these guys out of the drop zone is a comfortably seated ride on a chairlift.


Most kids out there look up to heroes of all sorts, but beware young friends, these are not the ideal idols. Park crew and ski patrol are in charge of cleaning up these injuries. Since it takes a while to load up the meat cart and get the injured down to first aid, any employee getting involved in the rescue effort also risks a lengthened day. For this reason alone you are assured rookie treatment, on account of the experienced diggers and patrollers having already untied their boots and placed their gloves in front of the heater.


So how should an informed snowboarder like yourself avoid the pitfalls of Hero Hour? It’s the easiest trick tip ever; Know your ability. And if you don’t know it, one-drink some hot toddies and step up to a shot-ski before you strap in.

By | 2011-08-05T10:00:19+00:00 August 5th, 2011|Funny, Snowboarding|0 Comments

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