SpnKIX – Lazy People Shoes

Something is terribly wrong with America.  Despite the economy, National Debt of $15,889,359,118.18 and obesity that has taken the US on a whirlwind ride – crap like SpnKIX continually pops up across the nation, and it sells.

I can just see it now, a bunch of investors listening to a pitch nodding their heads in agreement to the brilliant idea of SpnKIX.  SpnKIX are “Cool motorized skates that put wings on your feet.”  There is a lot more that could be said about SpnKIX.

Where did SpnKIX get their name?  I suppose Spn signifies for spin, and KIX is meant to be kicks.  Sure the wheels spin, but kicking?  I see no kicking.  I have it, you’ll be kicking at the skaters that are trying to punch your face off.  The only time I’d ever want to see SpnKIX would be on Jersey Shore cast members hauling down Filbert street in San Francisco or on some helmet wearing gaper at Burnside.

Want to pack on the pounds?  SpnKIX will help you gain weight faster than it takes the battery to charge.  As if walking wasn’t hard enough… Labeled as small, light and affordable, I beg to differ.  Smaller than what? A five gallon bucket?  Light?  At a combined weight of 18 lbs I’d hate to take a stroll on a beach with the futuristic lazy people shoes.  How about affordable?  I think not.  Houses in Detroit and  76′ El Caminos are less than $600.

Here is a new tag line for SpnKIX…”Gain weight and fight for your life with motorized lazy shoes.  More expensive than a car, heavier than a pair of cinder blocks and bigger than a five gallon bucket; the only thing that stands in your way is a mob of people who’ll laugh at your dumbass for going down a hill with no brakes.  Action, excitment, and stupidity on your feet – SpnKIX.”